On evenings like this I find myself transfered into some kind of emotional vacuum. Rehearsal with orchestra, Chichester Psalms and Lobsgesang. I don’t get tired of this amazement… when I push the play button of my CD player it might be that things don’t exist in reality and if they do or did, they are so far away. When I sit there, I realize over and over again that this is real. I stare at the conductor with big eyes, I look at the muscians as if I was either totally lost or as if I had never seen a human being before. As bad as a performace might be, spoken in absolute terms, the emerging sonar waves cause my soul to vibrate and I feel like the most privileged person in the world to become part of that magic. When the soloists start singing (and please… respect the solo.) my disbelieve becomes even more intense – that out of nothing that room can be filled with a most beautiful spirit. And as a matter of fact, the singers, they ain’t got nothing. They can create beauty out of nothing. And be it with something so little – I am part of this invisible and intangible creation.
Vibre, mon âme, chante et proclame ! In fact, there are no better words to describe this emotional state I am in during these rehearsals, for French is not a language to understand but to feel.
You might wonder where the vacuum now comes from for all of this doesn’t really sound like vacuum. What makes me sad is that all of this – it is only the beauty of the moment. There is no way to capture, to record these moments, this atmosphere, this great gift that I am so honored to receive. And it should not be captured because it could never be the same. All the grave my sadness when the two hours are over and the course of my ‘normal’ life continues. But still, it is most wonderful to have the opportunity to escape from that for some moments…
SchratiBlog 